Informed Faith
My Goal is to Help You Understand the Bible and Strengthen your faith with a deep, accurate understanding of Scripture. This podcast offers clear and practical insights using the OIA (Observation, Interpretation, Application) Bible study method. Whether you’re new to Bible study or looking to deepen your knowledge, Informed Faith equips you with the tools to build a solid foundation for your faith.
Informed Faith
Confronting Porn Addiction
Could a hidden struggle be consuming your life without you even realizing it? Join me as we confront the alarming statistics and real-life experience of pornography's pervasive presence in society and within the church. We also highlight the early exposure of teens to pornography, the psychological and relational damage it causes, and the urgent need for robust support programs in religious communities.
Discover eight essential Biblical truths that provide a pathway to freedom from pornography addiction. Through this episode, we emphasize God's unwavering love and boundless forgiveness, even amidst our darkest sins. You'll learn about the enslaving nature of pornography, Christ's understanding of our struggles, and the transformative power of spiritual renewal. Immerse yourself in scriptural wisdom that offers real comfort, encouragement, and actionable steps to break free from the grip of addiction.
But we don't stop there. Practical strategies are vital for overcoming pornography addiction, and we discuss the importance of accountability partners and filtering software like Covenant Eyes. Pat shares his personal journey of finding healthier outlets such as working out and spending time with family, and the value of an emergency relapse kit. Finally, we delve into the crucial topic of restoring relationships damaged by addiction, relying on God's power, seeking support, and fostering open discussions within small groups. This episode offers hope and a roadmap to recovery and restoration, grounded in personal testimony and biblical principles.
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Welcome to Integrity Talks, the podcast that takes you on a journey of purpose, authenticity and biblical wisdom. I'm Pat Siegel, your guide in exploring the path to living a life marked by integrity. All right, the fourth episode of Integrity Talks. My name is Patrick, your host, excited and blessed once again to be with you here today.
Speaker 1:On this episode we're going to talk about the struggle with pornography. It's a struggle that a lot of Christian men have. I think that we don't maybe hear as much about it, especially when we're at church, maybe they're with our spouses and we're talking in our groups, because it's an embarrassing thing, it's a shameful thing, it's a sin, it's hidden. I hid an addiction to pornography for decades, 20, 30 years, throughout my whole marriage, throughout my whole marriage, and it wasn't until the last four or five years that I recovered or was in recovery for a porn addiction. So it is not easy. I tried to quit many times, tried to stop, made all kinds of commitments, said I was going to quit and didn't. But let's start off in the first segment by acknowledging the issue and let's look at some stats first, and these stats I'm getting from CovenantEyescom. You can go onto CovenantEyescom and you can see the most up-to-date pornography stats.
Speaker 1:The first stats we're going to look at are stats on the porn industry. So it's projected. It says here that virtual reality, vr porn should be a $1 billion business by the year 2025 for porn. That's third behind an expected $1.4 billion virtual reality video game market and a $1.23 billion VR NFL-related content. Can you believe that Third. So VR is the next technology that's going to be big.
Speaker 1:And there's a quote here. Actually it says by Damon Brown. It says it seems so obvious if we invent a machine, the first thing we're going to do after making a profit is use it to watch porn. Damon Brown, author of Playboy's Greatest Covers. It says pornographers are hoping VR porn will boost porn website revenues that have been mostly stagnant. Those are some pretty jarring stats. Here's some other ones 79% of porn performers have used marijuana. 50% have used ecstasy. One in five mobile searches are for pornography. 28,000 users are watching pornography every second. That's $3,000. A little over $3,000 is spent on porn every second on the internet and 88% of scenes in porn films contain acts of physical aggression and 49% of scenes contain verbal aggression. And let's see, there are higher percentages of subscriptions to porn sites in zip codes that are more urban than rural, have experienced an increase in higher than average household income, have a great density of young people age 15 to 24, have a higher proportion of people with undergraduate degrees and have higher measures of social capital, ie more people who donate blood, engage in volunteer activities or participate in community projects.
Speaker 1:And let's see here, if you scroll down, it says stats on how people perceive porn. It says here 90% of teens and 96% of young adults are either encouraging, accepting or neutral when they talk about porn with their friends. Just 55% of adults 25 and older believe porn is wrong. Teens and young adults 13 to 24, believe not recycling is worse than viewing pornography. And only 43% of teens believe porn is bad for society, compared to 31% of young adults 18 to 24, that's 51% of see, 51% of millennials and 44% of Gen Xers and 59% of boomers. Yeah, so only 43% of teens believe porn is bad.
Speaker 1:How about porn in the church stats? This one is jaw-dropping. One in five youth pastors and one in seven senior pastors use porn on a regular basis and currently are struggling with it. That's more than 50,000 US church leaders. Isn't that an amazing number? It says 43 percent of senior pastors and youth pastors say they've struggled with pornography in the past, and 64 percent of Christian men and 15 percent of Christian women say they watch porn at least once a month. Even with those staggeringly high numbers, only seven% of pastors report their church has a ministry program for those struggling with porn.
Speaker 1:And here's another section here. It says teens and porn stats. So a 2018 study revealed nearly 27% of teens receive sexting messages. Around 15% are sending them. 57% of teens search out porn at least monthly. 51% of male students and 32% of female students first viewed porn before their teenage years. I know that was true for me. I started looking at it when I was 9 or 10 years old. The first exposure to pornography among men is now 12 years old. On average, 71% of teens hide online behavior from their parents. A 2016 study on Canadian adolescents showed that 45.3% admitted to problems in erectile dysfunction. These are teenagers.
Speaker 1:That's another podcast we're going to have talking about porn-induced erectile dysfunction. But if you're watching TV at all and you see any of the ads for erectile dysfunction, you'll notice that the men on the commercials are looking younger and younger and younger. It used to be commercials for ED was guys in their 60s, 50s, 60s, 70s. Now it's guys in their 20s, 30s, 40s that are dealing with it and pornography and merit stats. So 68% of divorce cases involved one party meeting a new lover over the internet. 56% involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites. 56% Wow. And 70% of wives of sex addicts could be diagnosed with PTSD. I know that very well. My wife had so much damage from my behavior that she definitely had PTSD symptoms, symptoms like she had weight gain, she had depression, she had very low self-esteem, she had other physical and mental damage that she was dealing with. But it was extremely, extremely damaging and traumatizing for her being married to someone who had an addiction, like me.
Speaker 1:Prolonged exposure to pornography leads to diminished trust between intimate couples, belief that promiscuity is the natural state and a lack of attraction to family and child raising. A 2014 study found that compulsive pornography users had greater impairments of sexual arousal and erectile difficulties in intimate relationships, but not with sexually explicit materials. Yeah, so just wanted to give you some stats and talk about the prevalence of pornography in our church, with people that we work with, guys and gals that we are around on a daily basis. It is all around us and the numbers aren't really that much different from Christians to non-Christians. You would think that with the non-Christian, non-believers, the prevalence of porn addiction would be a lot higher, but in all actuality they about mirror each other. They're both about 65%. The church has not done a great job historically helping with porn addiction, having ministries for porn addiction. I think, as you heard, there was only like 7% of pastors that actually had a program for it. All right, in this segment.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about the reasons that porn is so addictive, and the first main reason is that the same neural cocktail of chemicals in the brain that are present during actual sex are in abundance. In fact, there's a flood of these chemicals when you use pornography. Here's a short list of them. There's dopamine, which is a chemical that sharpens your focus and gives a sense of craving. It creates the gotta have it sensation. There's norepinephrine, which creates the alertness and focus. It's the brain's version of adrenaline. It tells the brain something's about to happen and we need to get ready. Version of adrenaline it tells the brain something's about to happen and we need to get ready.
Speaker 1:Then there's oxytocin and vasopressin, which help to lay down the long-term memories for the cells. They bind a person's memories to the object that gave him or her sexual pleasure. Then of course there's endorphins, which are natural opiates that create the high, a wave of pleasure over the whole body, that euphoric feeling, and then, after sexual release, serotonin levels also change, so they're bringing a sense of calm and relaxation. There is a lot going on in the brain and these chemicals occur naturally when a person has sex and the combination makes you feel really good. Porn activates the same chemical system, but of course it's not real sex. So over time porn overloads the brain's natural capacity for sexual enjoyment by altering the brain chemistry and eventually it leaves the person unsatisfied and craving more and different genres of pornography, many times more violent genres of pornography, to achieve the same level of stimulation. So the chemicals that work in our brain during porn use are the biggest reason it's so addictive.
Speaker 1:But there's also some others. Here's another one that porn is a triple-A engine. Dr Alvin Cooper is the first one to identify the AAA engine of internet pornography that drives addiction. It jet-fueled porn machine that we have today, and these factors make it very easy for anyone to slip into a porn-watching habit. There's a low barrier to entry, anyone can find it, anyone can afford it and nobody has to know about it. The AAA engine alone could be enough to trap someone in a vicious porn cycle.
Speaker 1:But there's also two other factors that have emerged as well. The second is early exposure. Early exposure to porn is one of the most significant determiners of someone having a porn addiction significant determiners of someone having a porn addiction. Tragically, children are exposed to porn at a very early age, often before puberty, when their brains are in a really impressionable stage of development. In fact, john Fort, who's an author and speaker, he says the sad reality for nearly every adult who struggles with porn is that their compulsive porn use started in childhood. In the more than two decades that I have been working with hundreds of men and women trying to overcome pornography addiction, I've met only one who did not first start using pornography as a child. He said Research shows 50% of men and 10% of women are exposed to pornography as children will develop an addiction. One study found that the average age of first exposure is 11 years old and that's as I said. Mine started probably age eight or nine. So this tells us. He says that an increasing number of people are being exposed at very young ages, which sets a stage for a lifelong addiction.
Speaker 1:Here's the third reason, and it's trauma Trauma. The licensed mental health counselor, jay Stringer, says that people who have experienced trauma or abuse are more likely to be addicted to porn. Additionally, those who suffer from other trauma or who experience deep shame have a greater likelihood of addiction. Then the fourth is neglect. Neglect and loneliness can likewise leave people emotionally needy and vulnerable to the false intimacy promised by porn. And these traits they don't describe every porn addict, but someone who has one or more of these characteristics is much more vulnerable to porn addiction. Not only does this help us understand the causes of porn addiction, but understanding what makes people vulnerable can be a helpful tool in the recovery process. And I know for me, understanding why you know the trauma in my life and processing that trauma and the other neglect and abandonment issues that I had, and, of course, as I said, the early exposure that I had Understanding all of this was extremely helpful for me.
Speaker 1:So I think it's important for you to examine yourself and in fact, there's a question here that says so am I addicted to porn? And once again, I am getting this information from the Covenant Eyes website, from an article written by Keith Rose. This is back January 12, 2024. It says why is porn so addictive? And you can look this up too, online. So just go to covenanteyescom to pull this up. But ask the question so am I addicted to porn? It says we've established various reasons why porn is so addictive. The next natural questions are number one am I addicted? And two what do I do about it? So to help address the first question of am I addicted to porn? Sex addiction, therapist says.
Speaker 1:Dr Peter Klopanis gives six symptoms of porn addiction. So here's the Cliff Notes version. It says feeling high I feel great when I use pornography. Feeling tolerant a little bit of kink or violent stuff is fine. Feeling angry I get upset if I can't watch porn. Feeling risky I'll do anything to watch porn. Feeling like a slave the urge to watch porn consumes me. It's my greatest need. Feeling helpless my life is out of control. Notice the progression. This gotta have it feeling can leave you feeling angry and depressed when you don't get your fix. The high that porn brings initially tends to decrease over time. So trying to recapture the euphoric feelings of porn can lead to a person to delve into more extreme kinds of porn. It can lead people to make more and more risky decisions too, such as watching porn at work or even seeking out illegal porn. Risky decisions too, such as watching porn at work or even seeking out illegal porn.
Speaker 1:And in their book, the Porn Trap, sex therapists Wendy and Larry Maltz give a simplified list of three key indicators of porn addiction. Here's the three. Number one do you crave porn intensely and persistently? Number two do you find you can't control your urges to look at porn and fall when you try to stop? And here's the third do you continue looking at porn despite facing negative consequences? If you can relate with these feelings about porn, you're likely dealing with an addiction. Once you recognize the problem, you can move on to the next question. So is it actually? The next question on this site is is it actually possible to stop watching porn? And I'll leave you to go back and to look this up yourself.
Speaker 1:This is on CovenantEyescom Once again. The article is called why is Porn so Addictive Four Reasons it's Tough to Resist, written by Keith Rose. Okay, so we've talked about the prevalence of pornography, gone over some of the stats amongst Christian men and women and seen that there is a definite problem. We've also talked about some of the main reasons why people get addicted to porn. In this segment, I want to talk about the biblical perspective on porn and give you eight biblical truths about it. Once you know what pornography is and why you love it and why it's a problem, then you can begin to take steps to heal from an addiction, and I like to find articles for everybody to be able to go to.
Speaker 1:After the podcast on your own, I went to reengageorg. That's re-r-e-e-n-g-a-g-eorg. It says here Pornography a Biblical Perspective, and here's the eight truths that they mention, along with some verses for you to look up. The first one is God loves you. This is the first truth that you need to have in your mind If you feel trapped by the snare and shame of pornography. Knowing that God sees you and is pursuing you is vitally important. He does this in spite of your sin. Nothing you've done will cause him to reject you. You have to know that he wants you to turn to him. Remember we've talked about true repentance and sorrow what that looks like. He wants you to turn from your sin to Him so that you can be free. He wants to heal you and give you an abundant life. So here's a couple verses that back that up. But you, o Lord, are a God of merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness. That's Psalm 86, verse 15. Here's the next one. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and to have it abundantly. That's Jesus talking in John 10.10.
Speaker 1:Here's the second truth, biblical truth, about pornography. The sin of pornography enslaves you. Pornography is a sinful corruption of God's good gift. It takes the gift of sex, which God intended to enrich marriages, and makes it selfish and demeaning and enslaving. It's not a consequence-less vice that lets you do as you please. It hurts you and it hurts your relationships. It destroys intimacy and devalues human life. It objectifies women. If you find pornography to be a comfort or a retreat, there's no better time for you to ponder the seriousness of the next two verses, and here's Matthew 5, 28.
Speaker 1:This is Jesus talking. He says, but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart In 2 Peter 2, 19,. They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption, for whatever overcomes a person to that he is enslaved. Here's the third truth. Christ understands your temptation and he helps you. He is not waiting for you to clean yourself up before he helps you. He was tempted as you were, but it says he did not sin. He understands the difficulties you experience and wants you to lean on him for help. He's right there with all of us. Even more than that, christ also gives you others in the church who can come alongside you and accountability group. Take comfort in the fact that you're not the only one. We've talked about what the numbers look like. Over 65% of Christian men view porn regularly. So take comfort in the fact you're not alone and there's others who are struggling with pornography and lust.
Speaker 1:And here's a couple verses to back this up. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who, in every aspect, has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. That's Hebrews 4.15. That's Hebrews 4.15. Here's Hebrews 2.18. It says For because he himself has suffered when tempted that is Christ. He is able to help those who are being tempted Because he himself has suffered when tempted. So he understands us.
Speaker 1:So here's the fourth truth. You have to remember this Jesus already paid for your sin. Christ died for all of your sin, whether the past, present or future, and offers forgiveness for anyone who accepts him as Lord and Savior. This means there is no condemnation for anyone who trusts in Jesus right, anyone who makes him Lord of their life and Savior of their life. There's no condemnation. You are free from guilt and shame. While pornography will still have earthly consequences and I know that very well it does not determine God's love for you.
Speaker 1:So as you fight addiction, remember that your sin is completely paid for in Christ. Here's a couple verses to help back that up for you. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities. Upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. That's Isaiah 53.5.
Speaker 1:And then here's Romans 8.1, written by Paul. There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. In Christ Jesus, what's that mean? That means that you are living every day. You're sanctifying your life every day, trying to be separate from the world and trying to be more like Christ every day. That's being in Christ Jesus. There's no condemnation for those who are doing that.
Speaker 1:And I think the fifth truth you need to remember is that your body is precious. Our bodies really are. God wants us to care for our body and to honor Him with it. Because you are made in God's image, you have inherent value and worth. Because you are made in God's image, you have inherent value and worth. As you seek purity and recovery from porn, remember that your life was so precious to God that Jesus died for you. And here's two verses for that. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God, he created him male and female. He created them. That's Genesis 1, 27. Him, male and female, he created them. That's Genesis 1.27. And in 1 Corinthians, 6.19-20, or do you not know? Paul says that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God. You're not your own. You were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. I think that's really awesome. Here's the sixth Hopefully I'm keeping track of the numbers correctly Sixth biblical truth You're powerless to change on your own, but God can transform you.
Speaker 1:Anything short of a spiritual transformation by the power of God is only behavior modification. Remember, we've talked about that and it's bound to fail. I tried for years to just change my behaviors, only to keep falling back into my sin. Thankfully, god's Spirit, working through His Word and through His people, can free you from addiction. Remember that freedom from pornography will not be your own doing. You have to release yourself from the burden of trying to work harder to do it all on your own.
Speaker 1:Here's a couple verses to help you Romans 7, 18,. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh, for I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. That's Paul talking. That's Paul. It sounds like a real guy. I don't have the ability to carry it out. So in Galatians, paul says so. I say walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. That's Galatians 5.16. Here's the seventh truth about this, and we mentioned this briefly.
Speaker 1:But you are not alone. Frequent porn use, as you know now, is an incredibly common struggle for both men and women 65% of men, one in five youth pastors, one in seven senior pastors, 15% of women, christian women. Fortunately, many people who once struggled are now experiencing freedom in Christ and are willing to help you. Be authentic and honest with where you're at. When you fall short, confess it to the community, to people in your group, your small group. Ask for prayer, let other people speak truth into your life. Contact me, contact another friend, whatever you have to do, but let someone know that you are struggling.
Speaker 1:Here's a couple verses to help you with this 1 Corinthians, 10, 13,. No temptation has overtaken you. That is not common to man. Not common to humans, is the translation. God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape that you may be able to endure it. Porn addiction is a choice, and because it's a choice, you can choose not to do it. Here's another verse Galatians 6.2. Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Talk to others about what you're dealing with. Confess your sins to one another. Right, just like it says in James. Confess your sins to one another, pray for each other, and that'll bring healing. And here's the last one. The eighth truth is there is hope. These verses can be an encouragement to you. It says as you read them, spend time thinking about how they can apply to your life and work to commit them to memory.
Speaker 1:Okay, so in this final segment, I want to give you some practical strategies for overcoming porn addiction. Number one is accountability partners. You've got to have layers of accountability in your life, so there needs to be a Christian man or a woman. If you're a man, you want a man. If you're a woman, you want a woman to talk with and be able to share with, and you don't want it just to be a one-sided thing. You want someone who will reciprocate with you and will also talk with you about their struggles. You reaching out and finding someone saying, hey, this is what I'm struggling with, are you struggling with this as well? It'll help other people to open up. If you are real. If you just have real surfacy conversations with guys at church or in your small group about sports, or you're just sitting there listening to a Bible study the whole time, you're not really able to talk. You have got to get bold and you've got to raise awareness about porn addiction because you know in that group that you're in. You have to realize this. The majority of them, a good number of them, have either had a porn addiction at one point or are currently using porn regularly in their lives. So they need you to step up.
Speaker 1:Number two is filtering software. And listen, once again, I am not sponsored by Covenant Eyes. You go to covenanteyescom. They have a great filtering software. What it starts with is, they say, a relationship. So a lot of companies fighting porn start with technical solutions. Covenant Eyes' philosophy is different. They start with friends. So Covenant Eyes philosophy is different. They start with friends. So with Covenant Eyes, you choose someone you know and trust to walk with you as your ally and hold you accountable for your online behavior. So you choose one of the guys or gals from your accountability group to be your ally. My son does this. It works really, really great. The Covenant Eyes app tracks activity on your devices. The Victory app, it's called, shares your activity feed right to your ally's phone. So you'll celebrate victories together and have honest and caring conversations about your successes, setbacks and triggers. So with the Victory app, your ally will always have your back and together you'll discover the freedom of living porn free.
Speaker 1:The third is engaging in healthy activities to redirect your focus. Addictions come in pairs. Usually it's not just an addiction to porn that you have or an alcohol addiction. Usually there's something else along with it. For me, it was a porn addiction. I had an alcohol addiction. I had addiction to food. At the height of my addictions I weighed like 400 pounds and I literally 375 pounds and I was looking at porn almost all day long. When I replaced unhealthy activities that porn use with working out or with taking bike rides or with spending time in the world with my wife or playing more with my kids or all kinds of healthier activities, I started to lose weight. I started to lose weight, I started to feel better. I dropped 170 pounds without having any kind of surgery or anything, just by focusing on healthier habits for me, healthier activities instead of looking at porn. My body went through all kinds of great changes because my focus changed. So, along with the other practical strategies, engaging in healthy activities is another must.
Speaker 1:The fourth one that I want to mention is kind of a relapse protection. I have what's called an emergency relapse kit and mine's in a shoebox that I keep on a shelf near my desk in my office. If I ever have a desire to look at pornography, it's something that I can go to before I act out, and that's important. You want to go to your accountability partners and to your emergency relapse kit before you act out, not after. You're not calling folks to tell them hey, I screwed up, but this relapse kit is great. It's got some verses on it that are written on note cards that my daughter actually wrote for me. Years ago when I was first starting my recovery, I asked my daughter to help me out and write a bunch of verses for me and they're in there, written in. You know she loves those gel pens that are different colors, like the pink and blue and everything, and just looking at those and seeing those verses in the pink and the blues in her handwriting just warms my heart so much and it helps me get my thoughts straight.
Speaker 1:Also, I've got some other things in there. I've got a couple of coins from completing some of my recovery plans some of my recovery plans. I've also got a picture from one of those cameras on a toll road and it's of my car speeding down the road and that particular trip I was driving to do something sexually immoral in another city. My car was caught on camera. I blew right through the toll booth. They sent the bill to my house so I kept that bill in that box as well. Also have some credit card statements that show all of the debt that I had put my family in. It's a great practical tool to have a emergency relapse kit. Those are just a few practical tools.
Speaker 1:There's a bunch of other stuff that you can find on Google, but just to summarize what we've talked about in this podcast, first of all, we talked about the prevalence of pornography addiction and its impact on individuals and relationships. Secondly, we talked about the reasons behind pornography addiction, such as stress, loneliness, dissatisfaction. We emphasized the importance of addressing the root causes rather than just symptoms. And then we also gave a biblical perspective on pornography and on us. I gave you eight different truths from the Bible, along with two verses for each. So make sure you go back and you listen to that and go on the website that I mentioned. And then I gave you some practical strategies for overcoming addiction establishing accountability partners, installing filtering software, making sure that you're engaging in healthy activities to redirect your focus. We also discussed an emergency relapse kit and I told you what was in mind. I hope that these things are helpful for you and that it gives you some encouragement. That's what this podcast is all about.
Speaker 1:The relationships that have been hurt can be restored. I am walking proof of that. Okay, things aren't perfect. There's still negative consequences and things that me and my family have to live with every day, but restoration does come. It takes time. With the grace of God. You relying on the power of the grace of God and Him to clean the sin out of your life and to repair these relationships, it does happen. I just appreciate every one of you. I want to encourage you to reach out for support and be open about your struggles with those who you're in small groups with. Also, you can reach out to me P-S-I-E-G-E-L-6239 at yahoocom. Would love to talk with you, would love to send you some more resources or just be a listening ear for you. Remember, he who walks with integrity walks securely. Talk to you next week, we'll be right back.
